So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
