Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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