if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
