Taylor Swift is so right about you.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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