dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
