I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we're making bets on your personal life
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize