there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
