imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
