I wannas sexs uuuuu
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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