So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
