Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize