you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
