This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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