dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
