just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
