I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize