I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
