White coat. Heels.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
