she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
