I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
