I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
