dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
