I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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