everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
