He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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