And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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