Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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