So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
