She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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