youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
