also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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