I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize