It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
