maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
