dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
