The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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