how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
