i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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