dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
