I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
