You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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