You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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