Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
