I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
