How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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