You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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