so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
