I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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