I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
