i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
