he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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