you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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