Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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