also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
