Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
