How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
