I could have mohawked her pubes.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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