No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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