I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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