But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
cat food counts as protein by the way
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
