I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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