How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
