And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
