Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
