I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
