Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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