I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
