i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
