He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
