I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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